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Slight word changes and paragraph switch:<br><br>Believe by switching first two paragraphs around you achieve a better flow.<br>Big Picture then detail. Think we need to change from "she" to they and their<br>to make it sound inclusive to everyone. <br><br>The award-winning Sugar learning platform is a revolutionary new<br>approach to technology and learning. With Sugar your child will engage<br>in exploring knowledge, expressing themselves through writing, drawing,<br>video—even programming the computer. They'll also reflect upon their work<br>and use Sugar to create a portfolio of their accomplishments.<br><br>With the Sugar Learning Platform, the age-old question "What did you<br>do in school today?" can be retired. Sugar maintains a diary (the<br>Journal) of everything your child does: what they make (nouns), how<br>they makes it (verbs), and with whom they were collaborating (proper<br>nouns). You can sit down with your child and walk through the Journal<br>to review their progress as well as leave comments and notes for their<br>teacher.<br><br>> >>> With Sugar, your child will grow confident as a learner. Her unlimited<br>> >>> potential will be realized.<br><br>Their unlimited potential will be realized.<br><br>> Date: Mon, 2 Mar 2009 11:07:22 -0500<br>> Subject: Re: blurb for Parent's page (first draft)<br>> From: walter.bender@gmail.com<br>> To: sdaly.be@gmail.com; anything@christianmarcschmidt.com<br>> CC: Marketing@lists.sugarlabs.org<br>> <br>> little thing, but I think we need a head for the Journal paragraph to<br>> parallel the others.<br>> <br>> -walter<br>> <br>> On Mon, Mar 2, 2009 at 11:03 AM, Sean DALY <sdaly.be@gmail.com> wrote:<br>> > Here...<br>> > http://www.christianmarcschmidt.com/projects/sugarlabs/betasite_alt/index.php?template=page&page=parents<br>> ><br>> ><br>> > On Mon, Mar 2, 2009 at 4:57 PM, Caroline Meeks<br>> > <caroline@solutiongrove.com> wrote:<br>> >> Where is the latest version of this text? Is it up on the web anywhere?<br>> >><br>> >> On Tue, Feb 3, 2009 at 4:14 PM, Walter Bender <walter.bender@gmail.com><br>> >> wrote:<br>> >>><br>> >>> Parents,<br>> >>><br>> >>> With the Sugar Learning Platform, the age-old question "What did you<br>> >>> do in school today?" can be retired. Sugar maintains a diary (the<br>> >>> Journal) of everything your child does: what she makes (nouns), how<br>> >>> she makes it (verbs), and with whom she was collaborating (proper<br>> >>> nouns). You can sit down with your child and walk through the Journal<br>> >>> to review her progress as well as leave comments and note for her<br>> >>> teacher.<br>> >>><br>> >>> The award-winning Sugar learning platform is a revolutionary new<br>> >>> approach to technology and learning. With Sugar you child will engage<br>> >>> in exploring knowledge, expressing herself through writing, drawing,<br>> >>> video—even programming the computer. She'll also reflect upon her work<br>> >>> and use Sugar to create a portfolio of her accomplishments.<br>> >>><br>> >>> Sugar comes with the usual collection of activities: a web browser,<br>> >>> and ebook reader, a multimedia player, a word processor, and lots of<br>> >>> game. It also comes with a rich collection of music tools, both for<br>> >>> playing and composing music, and programming tools that are accessible<br>> >>> to child as young as 6-years old, but interesting enough to keep a<br>> >>> teenager enaged. A hallmark of Sugar is its simplicity—even<br>> >>> pre-schoolers can use the Sugar basics—while putting no upper bound on<br>> >>> the complexity of expression to which you child can reach.<br>> >>><br>> >>> Another hallmark of Sugar is collaboration. Your child can collaborate<br>> >>> with friends, family, and classmates through a "school server"—playing<br>> >>> games, chatting, sharing bookmarks, and helping each other with<br>> >>> homework.<br>> >>><br>> >>> You can try Sugar by downloading it onto a USB key and then using it<br>> >>> to boot your desktop or laptop computer. (Sugar will not change<br>> >>> anything on your computer—it uses the USB instead of your harddisk.)<br>> >>> You can introduce Sugar to your child's school using USB sticks as<br>> >>> well.<br>> >>><br>> >>> With Sugar, your child will grow confident as a learner. Her unlimited<br>> >>> potential will be realized.<br>> >>><br>> >>> See... for more details about how to try Sugar.<br>> >>><br>> >>> -walter<br>> >>> --<br>> >>> Walter Bender<br>> >>> Sugar Labs<br>> >>> http://www.sugarlabs.org<br>> >>> _______________________________________________<br>> >>> Marketing mailing list<br>> >>> Marketing@lists.sugarlabs.org<br>> >>> http://lists.sugarlabs.org/listinfo/marketing<br>> >><br>> >><br>> >><br>> >> --<br>> >> Caroline Meeks<br>> >> Solution Grove<br>> >> Caroline@SolutionGrove.com<br>> >><br>> >> 617-500-3488 - Office<br>> >> 505-213-3268 - Fax<br>> >><br>> >> _______________________________________________<br>> >> Marketing mailing list<br>> >> Marketing@lists.sugarlabs.org<br>> >> http://lists.sugarlabs.org/listinfo/marketing<br>> >><br>> >><br>> ><br>> <br>> <br>> <br>> -- <br>> Walter Bender<br>> Sugar Labs<br>> http://www.sugarlabs.org<br>> _______________________________________________<br>> Marketing mailing list<br>> Marketing@lists.sugarlabs.org<br>> http://lists.sugarlabs.org/listinfo/marketing<br></body>
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