blurb for Parent's page (first draft)

[John Tierney]

Slight word changes and paragraph switch:

Believe by switching first two paragraphs around you achieve a better flow.
Big Picture then detail. Think we need to change from "she" to they and their
to make it sound inclusive to everyone. 

The award-winning Sugar learning platform is a revolutionary new
approach to technology and learning. With Sugar your child will engage
in exploring knowledge, expressing themselves through writing, drawing,
video—even programming the computer. They'll also reflect upon their work
and use Sugar to create a portfolio of their accomplishments.

With the Sugar Learning Platform, the age-old question "What did you
do in school today?" can be retired. Sugar maintains a diary (the
Journal) of everything your child does: what they make (nouns), how
they makes it (verbs), and with whom they were collaborating (proper
nouns). You can sit down with your child and walk through the Journal
to review their progress as well as leave comments and notes for their
teacher.

> >>> With Sugar, your child will grow confident as a learner. Her unlimited
> >>> potential will be realized.

Their unlimited potential will be realized.

> Date: Mon, 2 Mar 2009 11:07:22 -0500
> Subject: Re: blurb for Parent's page (first draft)
> From: walter.bender at gmail.com
> To: sdaly.be at gmail.com; anything at christianmarcschmidt.com
> CC: Marketing at lists.sugarlabs.org
> 
> little thing, but I think we need a head for the Journal paragraph to
> parallel the others.
> 
> -walter
> 
> On Mon, Mar 2, 2009 at 11:03 AM, Sean DALY <sdaly.be at gmail.com> wrote:
> > Here...
> > http://www.christianmarcschmidt.com/projects/sugarlabs/betasite_alt/index.php?template=page&page=parents
> >
> >
> > On Mon, Mar 2, 2009 at 4:57 PM, Caroline Meeks
> > <caroline at solutiongrove.com> wrote:
> >> Where is the latest version of this text? Is it up on the web anywhere?
> >>
> >> On Tue, Feb 3, 2009 at 4:14 PM, Walter Bender <walter.bender at gmail.com>
> >> wrote:
> >>>
> >>> Parents,
> >>>
> >>> With the Sugar Learning Platform, the age-old question "What did you
> >>> do in school today?" can be retired. Sugar maintains a diary (the
> >>> Journal) of everything your child does: what she makes (nouns), how
> >>> she makes it (verbs), and with whom she was collaborating (proper
> >>> nouns). You can sit down with your child and walk through the Journal
> >>> to review her progress as well as leave comments and note for her
> >>> teacher.
> >>>
> >>> The award-winning Sugar learning platform is a revolutionary new
> >>> approach to technology and learning. With Sugar you child will engage
> >>> in exploring knowledge, expressing herself through writing, drawing,
> >>> video—even programming the computer. She'll also reflect upon her work
> >>> and use Sugar to create a portfolio of her accomplishments.
> >>>
> >>> Sugar comes with the usual collection of activities: a web browser,
> >>> and ebook reader, a multimedia player, a word processor, and lots of
> >>> game. It also comes with a rich collection of music tools, both for
> >>> playing and composing music, and programming tools that are accessible
> >>> to child as young as 6-years old, but interesting enough to keep a
> >>> teenager enaged. A hallmark of Sugar is its simplicity—even
> >>> pre-schoolers can use the Sugar basics—while putting no upper bound on
> >>> the complexity of expression to which you child can reach.
> >>>
> >>> Another hallmark of Sugar is collaboration. Your child can collaborate
> >>> with friends, family, and classmates through a "school server"—playing
> >>> games, chatting, sharing bookmarks, and helping each other with
> >>> homework.
> >>>
> >>> You can try Sugar by downloading it onto a USB key and then using it
> >>> to boot your desktop or laptop computer. (Sugar will not change
> >>> anything on your computer—it uses the USB instead of your harddisk.)
> >>> You can introduce Sugar to your child's school using USB sticks as
> >>> well.
> >>>
> >>> With Sugar, your child will grow confident as a learner. Her unlimited
> >>> potential will be realized.
> >>>
> >>> See... for more details about how to try Sugar.
> >>>
> >>> -walter
> >>> --
> >>> Walter Bender
> >>> Sugar Labs
> >>> http://www.sugarlabs.org
> >>> _______________________________________________
> >>> Marketing mailing list
> >>> Marketing at lists.sugarlabs.org
> >>> http://lists.sugarlabs.org/listinfo/marketing
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> --
> >> Caroline Meeks
> >> Solution Grove
> >> Caroline at SolutionGrove.com
> >>
> >> 617-500-3488 - Office
> >> 505-213-3268 - Fax
> >>
> >> _______________________________________________
> >> Marketing mailing list
> >> Marketing at lists.sugarlabs.org
> >> http://lists.sugarlabs.org/listinfo/marketing
> >>
> >>
> >
> 
> 
> 
> -- 
> Walter Bender
> Sugar Labs
> http://www.sugarlabs.org
> _______________________________________________
> Marketing mailing list
> Marketing at lists.sugarlabs.org
> http://lists.sugarlabs.org/listinfo/marketing
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