Elevator Pitch and Meeting Reminder

Sankarshan Mukhopadhyay foss.mailinglists at gmail.com
Mon Jan 5 18:30:33 EST 2009


On Tue, Jan 6, 2009 at 2:57 AM, Greg Dekoenigsberg <gdk at redhat.com> wrote:

> "Heard of the One Laptop per Child project?  Sugar is the learning
> platform for OLPC.  Designed by the MIT Media Lab for collaborative and
> creative learning by elementary aged children, Sugar is now available
> everywhere: netbooks, desktops, even bootable USB sticks.  Be part of it
> and help us invent the future of learning."

The above has a lot of unique words (unique from the PoV of a pitch):

- OLPC
- Sugar
- MIT Media Lab
- netbooks

Is it possible to cut down some of them ?

"Heard of the One Laptop per Child project?  Sugar is the learning
platform for OLPC.  Designed for elementary aged children to encourage
collaborative and creative learning. It is now available everywhere:
netbooks, desktops, even bootable USB sticks.  Be part of it and help
us invent the future of learning."

Change - 2 instances of OLPC, 1 instance of Sugar and no mention of
MIT Media Lab (no idea whether that's good or, bad). I am still
unhappy with the "available everywhere" phrase.

~s

-- 

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